Bush: Economy Not Headed Into Recession
Economy: WTF is he looking at?
- President explains how to stretch your food budget
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Dollar Hits New Lows
Greenback paints nails black, claims no one understands it — friends worry about emo currency
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Fed Expected To Be More Aggressive With Rate Moves
In appearance before Congress, Fed officials plan to deny ‘roid rage […]
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke told Congress Thursday, “I don’t think we’re anywhere near the situation that prevailed in the 1970s.” In his second day of testimony on Capitol Hill, Bernanke was adamant. “First of all, no one wears three piece suits anymore and I haven’t seen an afro-pick in years. Plus, […]
‘Hand Over That Brigand, Sir!’ Insists Local Constabulary
A rogue trader is said to be responsible for a $141.5 million loss at MF Global, a New York-based futures and options broker.
Company officials first became suspicious when the trader showed up to work twirling his heavily-waxed handlebar moustache and dressed like Captain Morgan.
Described by co-workers as a […]
In Attempt to Stirrup Trouble, Neighsayers Whinny That 71-Year Old Will Be Saddled With Upkeep Charges
When she hoofed it in to work on Wednesday, waitress A.D. Carrol* never expected to ride off into the sunset with a 5-year-old ex-racehorse as a tip.
“There were two men eating chili and I had to ask them to move […]
Says ‘Still Much To Do’ Trying to Regulate All Aspects of Life In New York City
Mayor Mike Bloomberg, who has spearheaded efforts to criminalize smoking, fast-food, traffic, light bulbs and iPods in New York City, ruled out running for President today indicating there was still work to do in his home city.
“We haven’t been able […]
Bernanke Will Also Address Concerns He Is The Reincarnation of Confederate General Robert E. Lee
Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke addressed Congress today about the precarious state of the U.S. economy. The head of the country’s central bank fielded questions on a wide range of topics.
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Fed Chairman Bernanke is often chided about his ‘old-fashioned’ style of […]
Not to be Outdone by American Airlines, Where One Passenger Recently Passed Away on a Flight, US Air Intends to Nickel and Dime the Rest of Us to Death
US Airways Group Inc. said Tuesday it will start charging fliers $25 to check in a second bag, and this could be just the beginning. […]
The European Union fined Microsoft Corp. a record $1.3 billion Wednesday for the amount it charges rivals for software information. The fine is the largest ever for a single company and brings to just under $2.5 billion the amount the EU has demanded Microsoft pay in a long-running antitrust dispute.
Microsoft immediately said the company […]
‘Reject..Denounce..Whatever, You’re Right’ Exchange Supports Group’s Long-Standing Goal Of How Boyfriends, Husbands Should Act
Barack Obama moved one step closer to the Democratic nomination after last night’s debate in Ohio as most pundits said Hillary failed to score a ‘knockout blow’ and Obama held firm to his promise that he’d “never hit a girl.”
The Senator from […]
Florida, “The Phallic State,” today was in the grip (zing!) of a massive power outage as officials at the state’s largest electric utility company appeared to have botched the shut down of a nuclear reactor.
According to the Associated Press:
Florida’s largest electric company shut down a nuclear reactor south of Miami for safety reasons Tuesday, causing […]
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Written by Mark Jabo [email], and Sarit Catz [email] for b5media.
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