Clinton Counting On Older Voters, Hopes Those with Alzheimer’s Will Forget Lies, Past Screw-Ups
Pollsters have parsed the results of the ongoing Democratic primary by race, gender and socio-economic status. The best predictor, according to the New York Times, has been age.
Old people are solidly in Hillary’s camp, with younger voters favoring Obama. Not [...]
Productivity Expert Phil Gerbyshak Explains How Managers Can Get Fired, Get A Head Start on Being Unemployed Before Recession Hits
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Phil Gerbyshak obviously didn’t pay off the correct people and drew Bizlevity in the April Scramble in which b5 Media writers take turns guest posting on different sites. Thanks to Phil for giving us the [...]
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Judge Tells J.K. Rowling Her Harry Potter Books Are ‘Gibberish’
Author Says She’s Pleased Her Case Is Being Heard By Someone Who Reads at a Third Grade Level, Asks Pompous Jurist How Much He Got Paid for His Writings Last Year
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Former Fannie Mae Exec Agrees To Pay $24.7 Million Fine For Manipulating Agency Earnings [...]
Women Targeted Homeless Men and Had Plans for ‘That Bastard’ Who Invented Viagra
A jury in California today convicted Helen Golay, 77, and Olga Rutterschmidt, 75, of murder and conspiracy to commit murder in a scheme that involved killing homeless men and collecting millions of dollars in insurance payouts.
The women picked up homeless men, put [...]
Which Stands To Reason Since Just Typing the Headline Made Me Nauseous
Just in case you needed another reason to stay in school, MSNBC is reporting an outbreak of “mysterious neurological illnesses” in workers who processed pig brains at plants in Minnesota, Indiana and Nebraska.
According to Dr. Daniel Lachance, a Mayo Clinic neurologist, “the common thread [...]
Turtle Insists It Was Waiting For Chuck Norris to Come to the Rescue
Shell-shocked researchers announced today they had discovered a rare soft-shell turtle that had previously been thought to be extinct. The turtle was discovered in northern Vietnam and was believed to have been planted by the C.I.A. in early 1975, only a few [...]
Pontiff Laments That Pedophile Priests Have Become ‘Hacky’ Comic Material
Pope Benedict XVI (pronounced zhiv-ee) will travel to the U.S. this week, marking the first time since the Revolutionary War a German in full Hessian dress has entered the country without being shot at.
Security is tight for the Pope’s visit as Vatican officials note that God [...]
Wellesley Grad Complains Obama Popularity Is Ruining Her Planned Coronation
Hillary Clinton took time out today from taking limo and helicopter rides across Pennsylvania to expound further on her charge that Barack Obama was an “elitist” who was out of touch with the average voter.
“I mean, has he ever made $100,000 in cattle futures like most [...]
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Malt-O-Meal Recalls Puffed Wheat Cereal In Salmonella Scare
Company Spends Tens of Dollars Personally Notifying Eight People Who Eat Off-Brand Puffed Wheat
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College Students Take Field Trip To Brothel
Randolph College Reports Record Spike in 2009 Applications
Career day is more popular than ever
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World Bank Leader Calls For Immediate Action To Deal With Rising Global Food Prices
Urges Ban [...]
Senate Set To Investigate, Politicians Question How It is Possible Anybody Can Have Lower Approval Rating than Congress
If you happen to see a help-wanted ad on Craigslist for airline CEO, you should apply. Apparently, any idiot can run a major airline.
American Airlines continued a second round of flight cancellations as they grounded another 900 [...]
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