June 30th, 2008
Company’s Stated Goal Is ‘Easier Access to Customers and Operations Around the World.’ So Company is Moving to … Wait for It … Dallas
Is AT&T secretly run by the government? Because moving your company four hours up the road from San Antonio to Dallas to get “easier access to customers and operations around the world” […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
June 27th, 2008
Court Sends Clear Signal for Parents to Take Matters into Their Own Hands; Says Ruling Will Help Eliminate Number of Pedophile Cases Clogging Court System
The Supreme Court giveth and the Supreme Court taketh away. In the past week the Supreme Court ruled against allowing the death penalty in cases of child rape and struck […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
June 24th, 2008
Software Guru Vows To ‘Make It Rain’ With New Bill Gates and Jamie Foxx Foundation
This week will mark the end of an era in the Information Age as Bill Gates steps down from day-to-day management of software giant Microsoft and Apple scrambles to find a new actor for their “I’m a Mac, I’m a PC” […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
June 23rd, 2008
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Waitresses and Other Service Personnel See Decrease In Tips
Experts Blame Economic Downturn, Increase In Number of Times Per Week Hillary Clinton Eats Out
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Brooke Shields Pens Children’s Book
Tom Cruise Criticizes Actress for Not Making the Bunny Rabbit A Scientologist
Promoting L.Ron Hubbard’s children’s book Dianetics
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Warren Buffet Auctioning Off Lunch With Himself To Benefit Poor
Beneficiaries […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
June 23rd, 2008
Government Officials Scramble to Prevent Global Karaoke Outbreak
Scientists believe they may be on the cusp of a breakthrough in creating a drug that will help millions of people who suffer from shyness.
Clinical trials have found that the chemical oxytocin can reduce anxiety and ease phobias. Government officials were caught by surprise by the discovery […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
June 23rd, 2008
Fuck.
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George Carlin, 1937-2008
A master of all iterations of stand-up comedy
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Photo
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June 22nd, 2008
New Sub Fires 24 Torpedoes into Crowd in Response to Champagne Assault; Navy Looks to Tweak Artificial Intelligence Program That Controls Ship’s Response
The U.S. Navy christened a new attack submarine Saturday and all hell broke loose when the advanced ship fired 24 separate torpedoes into the crowd gathered on the dock to celebrate the occasion.
A […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
June 17th, 2008
15 Inch High Android Resembles Star Wars Clone Trooper Action Figure; Will Be Marketed to Lonely Men … Reeeaaally Lonely Men
Not content with dominating the world auto market, the Japanese robotic industry is now working to make American women smaller, quieter and more fuel efficient.
Japanese toy maker Sega is manufacturing “a 15-inch tall robotic […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
June 16th, 2008
Lawyers To Charge Pair With Losing Money; Case Seen to Pave Way For Class-Action Litigation By People Who Can’t Seem to Hold On to Pens
Federal prosecutors today announced that they are preparing to bring criminal charges against the former managers of two Bear Stearns hedge funds that collapsed last year. The collapse of the funds […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
June 15th, 2008
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Exxon Says It Will Sell All It’s Company-Owned Gas Stations
Company Said To Be ‘Totally Disgusted’ With Restrooms
Welcome to your new cubicle
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Supreme Court Rebuffs Bush With Guantanamo Ruling
Justices Ask ‘Who Elected This Guy Anyway? Oh, Right…Sorry.’
Can’t gitmo than this far outside the Constitution
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Lehman Bros. Chief Fires Two Finance Execs, Complains ‘Wall Street Wants […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
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