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Biz Levity - We Give Business the Business

Archive for June 2008

June 11th, 2008

Man Says He’s Still ‘Good Friends’ With Guy Who Shot Him In Head With Nail Gun

George Chandler Says He’s Invited Friend to Help With Another Home Improvement Project This Weekend Involving New, Razor-Sharp Chainsaw George Wants to Try Out
Kansas retiree George Chandler was listed in stable condition today or, as one doctor put it, “as stable as you can be after your buddy just blasted a 8-penny nail into your [...]

By markjabo -- 0 comments

June 8th, 2008

MSNBC Has Initial Nominee In Bizlevity’s ‘Least Surprising Headline’ Contest

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MSNBC gains the initial nominee in the first of the first annual Bizlevity “Least Surprising Headline Contest” with the following entry:
Man jumps from plane with no parachute, dies
Bizlevity readers are invited to submit their own nominations (headlines must be actual headlines with accompanying link) for the final judging to be held on Election [...]

By markjabo -- 0 comments

June 6th, 2008

Scrolling Headlines That Don’t Scroll Unless You Do — June 6, 2008

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Study Shows Alcohol Cuts Risk Of Developing Rheumatoid Arthritis
Risk Declines As Participants In Study Found More Likely To Die By Driving Into A Tree On Way Home From Study
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Hillary Denies Seeking Vice President Slot
Ended Power Play When She Discovered V.P. Office Doesn’t Come With Scepter; Discovered She Would Not Be Allowed to Wear Crown At [...]

By markjabo -- 0 comments

June 4th, 2008

Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor Collaborates On Video Game

‘Grand Theft Election Y2K’ Expected to Be Hit Among Democrats; Critics Say Game Promotes Judicial Activism in Kids
Retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor today unveiled that she is working on a project to create a video game which teaches children how the court system works. The game will feature such realistic features as [...]

By markjabo -- 2 comments

June 4th, 2008

“Your Are In Debt, Sir!”

Heeeeeeeere’s The Default Notice…
The Associated Press is reporting that pitchman and long-time Tonight Show announcer Ed McMahon is over $640,000 behind in mortgage payments for his Beverly Hills home.
McMahon’s spokesman said the 85-year-old announcer has been unable to work since he broke his neck 18 months ago.
Many people are asking: how could this happen?
How [...]

By markjabo -- 0 comments

June 3rd, 2008

Milky Way Loses Two ‘Appendages’

New Infrared Technology Shows Star Cluster Has Fewer Stellar Offshoots Than Previously Believed; Milky Way Reports Uptick In Spam Offering ‘Natural Galactic Enhancement’
Scientists using advanced infrared technology today announced that the Milky Way, which had previously been thought to have been comprised of four “arms” of stars, only had two major appendages. The galaxy [...]

By markjabo -- 0 comments

June 3rd, 2008

GM To Close Four SUV Factories, May Discontinue Hummer

Move Expected to Increase Subway Altercations as Millions of Pretentious Type-A Jerks Forced to Take Public Transportation
Mass panic gripped subway and bus riders across the nation as GM announced plans to shutter four truck and SUV factories and suggested the company may discontinue making Hummers.
“That cinches it,” said New York commuter Anna Recksiek, “I’m packing [...]

By markjabo -- 0 comments

June 1st, 2008

Scrolling Headlines Don’t Scroll Unless You Do — June 1, 2008

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Trump Marina Casino In Atlantic City To Become ‘Margaritaville’
Donald Trump Apologizes for Earlier Statement Claiming ‘There’s No Way We Could Make This Any Tackier Than it Already Is’
Buffeted by changes in Atlantic City
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La Scala To Stage Gore’s ‘Inconvenient Truth’
Two Most Boring Things In Universe Will Be Combined In Effort to Reduce Carbon Footprint [...]

By markjabo -- 0 comments