American Airlines To Charge $15 For First Checked Bag
Airline Looks To Limit Customer Backlash By Announcing It Will Also Charge $275 for First Screaming Kid
American Airlines announced that it will begin charging $15 for the first checked bag on all of its flights. Consumer groups, initially outraged at the charge, were mollified when the airline announced it would also institute a $275 for the the first screaming, bratty kid.
The move by the carrier comes as airlines look for other fees to offset the high cost of fuel. Passengers are expected to adjust to the new charge by packing even more into their already overstuffed carry-on luggage.
A spokesman for American Tourister luggage announced, “Our new line of wheeled carry-on luggage will be equipped with truck tires to handle the expected load as senior citizens and women under five feet are expected to stuff enough into their suitcase so that it will take the entire flight crew and three rows of passengers to lift a 300-lbs. overnight bag into the overhead luggage compartment.”
In other news, it was reported that Halliburton quietly acquired a stake in American Airlines last year when the TSA initiated restrictions that required liquids over the size of a tablespoon to be packed in checked luggage. The company denied that it had lobbied American Airlines to introduce the $15 fee saying, “We were pushing for 50 bucks.”
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Sales of automatic pet food dispensers expected to soar as more parents opt to leave little brats at home for trips under a week.
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