Angelina Jolie To Franchise Womb
With Pitt-Jolie Baby Pics Expected to Fetch $20 Million, Tomb Raider Star Looks To Open Nationwide Chain of Artificial Insemination Clinics
Angelina Jolie today announced she will be working with Goldman Sachs to market a chain of artificial insemination clinics to take advantage of the insane prices being paid for pictures of any of her kids.
In a nod to her husband’s popularity, Jolie has said the new clinics will be called Pitt Stops.
Franchise owners will have exclusive rights within a given territory to charge customers for donating their sperm on the chance that it will be combined with eggs donated by Miss Jolie. Proceeds from the resulting baby pictures will be split among the client, the franchisee and the Pitt-Jolie Foundation for Indigent Paparazzi.
A Goldman Sachs spokesman told reporters, “We’re excited about the concept. While customers won’t actually get to sleep with Angelina, clients will receive a laminated photo with every visit — which, if you have an active imagination, is almost the same thing.”
Investment bankers also believe there will be opportunities to cross-market a line of health and beauty products such as massage oils and anti-chafing creams.
In other news, the Amy Winehouse Artificial Insemination Clinic was closed until further notice due to health code violations.
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11 opinions for Angelina Jolie To Franchise Womb
Bridget
Jul 14, 2008 at 9:37 am
Too funny! Just proves that there is a market for everything out there. I wonder how much I could fetch for my eggs? Hope no one minds if they’re hard-boiled though!
Joel Libava
Jul 14, 2008 at 10:06 am
Nice Job.
Jolie is my 2nd cousin, and she shared her franchise idea with me, about a year ago. I mentioned it to Sean over at Franchise Pick, but he just laughed at the idea.
That’ll show him.
Jolie Libava
(BRAD) PITT STOP FRANCHISE RUMOR CONFIRMED | FRANWORST
Jul 14, 2008 at 11:58 am
[...] Worst Franchise Opportunities) Kudos to the Bizlevity who broke this story with all the gushing force of a ruptured [...]
Richard Quick, Esq.
Jul 14, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Congrats on confirming this rumor. I was unable to do so as I own the Ad agency handling the account. My advisors at Quick, Duhk & Hyde have given me the green light to sell our logo and ad drafts on eBay. You may peruse here, pre-sale:
http://www.franworst.com/2008/07/14/brad-pitt-stop-franchise-rumor-confirmed/
A little trivia for your readers: The original name for the concept was “Womb Raider,” but we were unable to reach a licensing agreement with the studio. The product placement potential was terrific. Hollywood cretins.
And yes, I offered http://www.franchisepick.com the exclusive on this a year ago. Their loss.
Joel Libava
Jul 14, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Richard,
This is not the 1st time that the diddle-hops over at Franchisepick.com have missed opportunities. I have several franchise concepts over at a new site I just launched that the Franchisepick.com staff missed. look:
http://www.FranchiseFollies.com
Angelina Jolie’s Womb: The Franchise
Jul 14, 2008 at 12:37 pm
[...] Jabo broke the story of Jolie’s intent to franchise her womb in a post curiously titled Angelina Jolie To Franchise Womb. Jabo alleges: Angelina Jolie today announced she will be working with Goldman Sachs to market a [...]
Sean Kelly
Jul 14, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I guess I missed the boat on this. You, Joel & Richard Quick, Esq. all saw this one coming.
So to speak.
However, I am going to break (so to say) a related story:
Womb with a View.
Watch and be amazed (or is that La-mazed?)
http://www.franworst.com/2008/07/14/brad-pitt-stop-franchise-rumor-confirmed/
Richard Quick, Esq.
Jul 14, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Mssr Jabo:
Your readers may be interested to know that while the Amy Winehouse Artificial Insemination Clinic is closed, the Amy Winehouse Natural Insemination Clinic is very much open.
I know. I opened a 10-foot pole store next to it and we’re making a bloody fortune.
Richard Quick, Esq.
See you on the veranda!
Joel Libava
Jul 14, 2008 at 3:33 pm
That is really gross, Richard!
JL
Sean Kelly
Jul 14, 2008 at 3:43 pm
A few more taglines:
- In by 9, out by 9:03
- More eggs than a Denny’s Grand Slam Breakfast
- Where Billy Bob Thornton shops. Now.
And for ads running in the south:
- “Now you can say both yer grampaws were in Deliverance”
markjabo
Jul 14, 2008 at 3:50 pm
{{That is really gross, Richard!}}
–I agree. That pole should be at least 20 feet.
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