Bloomberg Rules Out Run For President
Says ‘Still Much To Do’ Trying to Regulate All Aspects of Life In New York City
Mayor Mike Bloomberg, who has spearheaded efforts to criminalize smoking, fast-food, traffic, light bulbs and iPods in New York City, ruled out running for President today indicating there was still work to do in his home city.
“We haven’t been able to grab full control over every aspect of your personal life in Manhattan and the other boroughs, so I felt trying to do that on a national scale would be premature at this time,” explained the mayor.
“In addition, Snapple was unwilling to sponsor the campaign,” added Bloomberg.
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“I kinda like the whole control thing they have in China…”
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Sources close to the mayor said he would be working on a number of new initiatives for the Big Apple including requiring the mayor or a member of his staff approve all body piercings, tattoos and baby names in the city.
Bloomberg indicated he would continue to push for laws so that the city could better monitor and regulate social life within its jurisdiction. Along those lines, the mayor said he would advocate having micro-cameras and a miniature taser included in all condoms sold in New York.
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