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BREAKING NEWS: Huge Power Outage In Southern Florida

by markjabo on February 26th, 2008

Florida, “The Phallic State,” today was in the grip (zing!) of a massive power outage as officials at the state’s largest electric utility company appeared to have botched the shut down of a nuclear reactor.

According to the Associated Press:

Florida’s largest electric company shut down a nuclear reactor south of Miami for safety reasons Tuesday, causing sporadic power outages covering large portions of the state that could last well into the night. More than 3 million people are affected, the state says.

“We don’t know whether the grid disturbance caused the units to shut down or that their shut down caused the grid disturbance,” said Kenneth Clark, a spokesman at the NRC regional office in Atlanta. He said the two reactors were automatically shut down and in safe standby.

Clark went on to add, “Hell, man. We wuz just pullin’ out wires and flippin’ switches until something happened.”

A utility spokesman confirmed that workers were unable to find the nuclear power plant’s operations manual.

In an effort to keep damage from spreading, government officials called for calm and a moratorium on Bill Withers and Vicki Lawrence hits.

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