July 3rd, 2008
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Scientists Discover Watermelon Has ‘Viagra-Like’ Effect
Non-Scientists Wonder How You Talk Someone Into Screwing A Watermelon
Hey, la … my boyfriend’s back
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Scientists Discover Watermelon Has ‘Viagra-Like’ Effect
Researchers Say You May Want to Steer Clear of Your Uncle Fred at Fourth of July Barbecue
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Scientists Discover Watermelon Has ‘Viagra-Like’ Effect
Less Than 30 Seconds Later Spam Filters Worldwide Clogged […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
July 3rd, 2008
Workers’ Right to Sit Around On Their Asses All Day Upheld By Guy Who Sits Around On His Ass All Day
A Minnesota judge today ruled that Wal-Mart took unfair advantage of employees by actually asking them to do some work. The judge said the company violated Minnesota work laws by failing to give employees […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
July 2nd, 2008
Blockbuster withdraws plan to acquire Circuit City
Blockbuster Inc. said Tuesday it is withdrawing its proposal to buy Circuit City Stores Inc. Chief Executive James Keyes said in a written statement that the proposed deal, at a price of more than $1 billion, didn’t make sense because they don’t have a billion dollars.
“Let’s face it, when […]
By sscatz -- 0 comments
July 1st, 2008
Company Pursues New Strategy of Only Having Store on Every Other Corner
Starbucks announced today that they will be reining in the rapid growth that has characterized the company and will now shoot to have coffee bars every 100 feet instead of the original plan which called for a store every three feet.
The company said the […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
July 1st, 2008
Seaweed Bloom Threatens To Mar Olympic Sailing Event
It’s enough to make you unclench your jaw.
With less than six weeks to go before the Olympics, the Yellow Sea, site of the Olympic sailing regatta, is choked with a major algae infestation.
According to reports, the algae covers nearly 5000 square miles — roughly one square mile for […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
June 30th, 2008
Company’s Stated Goal Is ‘Easier Access to Customers and Operations Around the World.’ So Company is Moving to … Wait for It … Dallas
Is AT&T secretly run by the government? Because moving your company four hours up the road from San Antonio to Dallas to get “easier access to customers and operations around the world” […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
June 27th, 2008
Court Sends Clear Signal for Parents to Take Matters into Their Own Hands; Says Ruling Will Help Eliminate Number of Pedophile Cases Clogging Court System
The Supreme Court giveth and the Supreme Court taketh away. In the past week the Supreme Court ruled against allowing the death penalty in cases of child rape and struck […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
June 24th, 2008
Software Guru Vows To ‘Make It Rain’ With New Bill Gates and Jamie Foxx Foundation
This week will mark the end of an era in the Information Age as Bill Gates steps down from day-to-day management of software giant Microsoft and Apple scrambles to find a new actor for their “I’m a Mac, I’m a PC” […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
June 23rd, 2008
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Waitresses and Other Service Personnel See Decrease In Tips
Experts Blame Economic Downturn, Increase In Number of Times Per Week Hillary Clinton Eats Out
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Brooke Shields Pens Children’s Book
Tom Cruise Criticizes Actress for Not Making the Bunny Rabbit A Scientologist
Promoting L.Ron Hubbard’s children’s book Dianetics
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Warren Buffet Auctioning Off Lunch With Himself To Benefit Poor
Beneficiaries […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
June 23rd, 2008
Government Officials Scramble to Prevent Global Karaoke Outbreak
Scientists believe they may be on the cusp of a breakthrough in creating a drug that will help millions of people who suffer from shyness.
Clinical trials have found that the chemical oxytocin can reduce anxiety and ease phobias. Government officials were caught by surprise by the discovery […]
By markjabo -- 0 comments
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