High Gas Prices Spur a Seismic Economic and Lifestyle Shift
American Women Get Screwed at the Pump and at Home
According to a survey conducted by Internet analysis firm Forrester Research, online spending is expected to rise a robust 17 percent this year, despite a sluggish economy.
E-commerce “is clearly the bright spot in retailing,” said Scott Silverman of the online arm of trade group the National Retail Federation, “Probably because shoppers can’t afford to fill their cars to get to the mall.” Dubbed the “Who Can Afford to Gas up the SUV?-Effect,” this new trend in consumer spending is expected to have a broad impact on the American lifestyle.
Because families won’t be able to afford to carpool, Silverman anticipates strong growth in home schooling which means women will be locked in their homes for prolonged periods of time with their children. “I project a spike in child abuse the likes of which we haven’t seen since kids started refusing to turn off Full House reruns.”
Also expected, a sharp rise in online gambling and internet porn. “Joe Public can no longer afford to go to casinos and strip clubs like he used to. Wives are really going to have to start putting out. Unless something is done to bring gas prices down, I project a tough time ahead for the American woman.”
“Oh great! I gotta blow $90 here and my fat husband at home!”
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