Homeless Man Applies For Federal Bailout Money
Congress Split On Whether ‘Crazy Frank’ Should Get $25 Billion In Taxpayer Funds
Crazy Frank is well-known to many New Yorkers. He can usually be found screaming incomprehensibly at commuters from a grate above the 34th Street subway station. Frank was on Capitol Hill yesterday and faced a Congress which was split on whether or not Frank should be given $25 billion.
Frank testified he was entitled to be propped up, both physically and financially, due to the bad decisions he has made throughout his life.
“Sure, I dropped out of high school and drink too much, but I’ve probably made fewer bad decisions than the executives of General Motors,” said Frank. “And just like the car companies, I don’t plan on doing anything different with my life even if I get the $25 billion I’m asking for.”
Treasury Secretary Paulson argued against giving Frank money from the bailout program saying, “It was never our intention that money from the TARP program would go to homeless people or that Congress would have a say in it. That money was originally set up to make people suck up to me 24/7 and I think we should stick with that.”
Congressman Barney Frank (no relation to Crazy Frank, except for the crazy part) maintained that Crazy Frank was too big to fail.
“The man is six feet, eight inches tall and weighs over 350 pounds, although I’ll grant you most that weight is pee-soaked overcoats. What kind of message are we sending to the American people if, all of a sudden, we claim that you’re somehow responsible for your own decisions?” Congressman Frank wailed.
Prospects dimmed for Crazy Frank when reporters discovered he had come from New York City on an Amtrak train by clinging to the top of one of the cars. Newspapers criticized the homeless man for taking the more expensive Acela express train while other Americans took the regular Amtrak train which makes more frequent stops.
CNN host Lou Dobbs was so outraged at Frank’s audacity he devoted an entire program to criticizing the “over-inflated sense of entitlement” among the homeless and recommended building a 40-foot electrified fence around every homeless shelter in the country.
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During the contentious hearings, a Congressman takes a break…
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Photo credit: EveryStockPhoto.com
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