John Edwards To End Political Seclusion
Will Look To Become President of Iowa Central Community College
John Edwards will end his self-imposed political seclusion to give a speech at Hofstra University. The occasion was originally scheduled to be a joint appearance with Edwards’ wife Elizabeth but she has since canceled saying, “If his joint makes an appearance, I’ll give him a $400 haircut he won’t soon forget…”
Insiders are expecting Edwards to use the speech on the New York campus to declare his candidacy for the recently vacated office of president for Iowa Central Community College.
Edwards was candid in discussing his recent public mistakes saying, “I was wrong. I got caught sneaking around with someone who wasn’t my wife and it ruined my career. I now realize I should have become a university president so that when I got caught pouring beer down some girl’s throat I’d get a $400,000 severance package instead of having to shell out a couple million to try to keep things quiet.”
Iowa Central Community College President Robert Paxton speaking from his boat said, “No kidding, bro. This is awesome. Now that everyone knows I banked 400 grand, this boat’s going to be equipped 24-7 with hot-and-cold running blondes.”
Paxton went on to say he recently signed an exclusive marketing deal with Coors Light and has been tapped by Joe Francis as the next host for Girls Gone Wild - Iowa Farmgirls Edition.
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Choose your caption:
1) Soo-wee. Soo-wee, baby…
2) “Hey, do you want to do something really dirty?”
3) “Easy, cowboy. You gotta be this big to ride this ride…”
4) “You’ve already made honor roll. Wanna try for magna cum loud?”
5) “You’re damn right I’m good at math. You’ve got exactly three seconds to get your hand off my ass…”
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1 opinion for John Edwards To End Political Seclusion
College president channels corporate brethren sans zeros
Sep 4, 2008 at 6:53 am
[...] tip to Biz Levity for the lead to this [...]
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