Meet The Woman Most Qualified To Become President
Mildred Warner Has More Executive Experience Than McCain, Palin and Obama Combined; Has Been Running The Gramercy Street Book Club For Over 43 Years
A Republican think-tank (oxymoron alert!) has asked John McCain to reconsider his choice for Vice-President and has advanced a woman it feels is the most qualified in the country. Meet Mildred Warner.
Mildred has been president of the Gramercy Street Book Club for over 43 years. The Gramercy Street Book Club started in 1963 when Mildred and her friend Nellie gathered three of their friends and decided to meet the first Tuesday of every month to give themselves some intellectual stimulation while raising young children.
Two years later, Mildred assumed the presidency of the book club which has since grown to 14 members.
“Mildred has had to oversee the choice of books, scheduling and maintaining phone records of all the members,” said Michelle Bachman (R-Sycophant-MN). “In addition, back in 1998, the monthly meeting had to be canceled during a snow storm and rescheduled. You just don’t find a lot of women with this kind of depth of leadership, executive experience and crisis management.”
“Not to take anything away from Sarah Palin,” she added.
Republicans hope disaffected women voters will flock to Mildred and her compelling personal story. A self-described “bookworm mom,” she has also raised four children — all of whom have their children of their own that they still care for! Mildred also once put up bookshelves by herself when her husband, a NASCAR-watching union machinist, was away at a trade show.
“This is someone all young girls can look up to and someone who is ready to assume the Presidency on Day One in the event, God forbid, John McCain is struck down or just forgets how to get to the White House,” said Ms. Bachman, continuing to hallucinate about the realistic qualifications for executive office.
Asked about her foreign policy credentials, Mildred noted, “I’ve read a lot of books about World War Two and just last year our book club picked Kite Runner as our Book of the Year.”
Reached at the Republican Convention, John McCain indicated he felt Mildred Warner could be a strong number two choice due to her impeccable conservative credentials and appeal to voters who just want to pull the lever for someone without a Y-chromosome.
“She supports teaching creationism in schools, believes the government has the right to dictate what kind of lipstick a woman puts on her body so she doesn’t look “too slutty,” and feels it is the right for citizens to carry assault weapons to the grocery store and fire upon anyone who looks like they might be in this country illegally,” noted McCain.
Plus, I’ve never even spoken to her. She’s perfect.”
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“Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce to you the next Vice-President of the United States…Mildred Warner!”
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