NBC To Buy The Weather Channel For $3.5 Billion
Deal Goes Through As Negotiations Collapse With Dart-Throwing Monkey
NBC will reportedly pay $3.5 billion for the Weather Channel in a deal announced yesterday. NBC has long coveted the poor forecasting record and grainy hailstorm videos and was willing to pay up for the channel when the alternative, a monkey who forecast the weather by throwing darts and feces against a weather map, held out for a guaranteed 5-year deal.
NBC officials were reluctant to guarantee more than three years for the monkey, believing that they could train several of the American Gladiators to perform the same task for less money. Critics of the network noted the monkey had a shorter learning curve than most of the Gladiators.
NBC executives were said to be thrilled with the purchase, noting that it included a diverse stable of on-air weather reporters ranging from the excrutiatingly boring to the more goofy weather people who dress in costume for every holiday.
“Short of signing Carrot Top for his own sitcom, it’s hard to see how we could have struck a better deal,” an NBC spokesman said.
In an effort to cross-promote its new acquisition, NBC announced that every episode of Deal or No Deal will now be filmed during some kind of natural disaster.
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Interesting … when you were seven.
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