Pope On A Grope: ‘Deeply Ashamed’ About Clergy Abuse
Pontiff Laments That Pedophile Priests Have Become ‘Hacky’ Comic Material
Pope Benedict XVI (pronounced zhiv-ee) will travel to the U.S. this week, marking the first time since the Revolutionary War a German in full Hessian dress has entered the country without being shot at.
Security is tight for the Pope’s visit as Vatican officials note that God is busy trying to convert Heaven to a 100% solar-power by the end of 2009.
In addition, the Heavenly Father is said to be concerned that the All-Saints rhythmic gymnastics “dream team” is nowhere near ready for the upcoming summer Olympic Games in Beijing.
Meanwhile, Pope Benedict XVI will have an ambitious U.S. schedule. The Pontiff will hold a mass for 48,000 in Washington Thursday before going to New York to visit the World Trade Center and hold another huge mass at Yankee Stadium.
Stadium crews were said to be working feverishly to make sure everything was in order after reports that a Jewish construction worker had buried a yarmulke under the visitors dugout to bring bad luck to home-team Catholics.
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What? You couldn’t find me a nice Armani suit?
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