Rogue Trader Responsible For $141.5 Million Loss
‘Hand Over That Brigand, Sir!’ Insists Local Constabulary
A rogue trader is said to be responsible for a $141.5 million loss at MF Global, a New York-based futures and options broker.
Company officials first became suspicious when the trader showed up to work twirling his heavily-waxed handlebar moustache and dressed like Captain Morgan.
Described by co-workers as a “mountebank” and a “ne’er-do-well scalawag,” the trader apparently went over his limits while trading wheat futures contracts.
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Rogue trader tried to raise prices by eating only whole wheat burritos
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A spokesman for MF Global, who m-f’ed when he first heard the news, said that all positions had been liquidated and the company had no outstanding exposure.
The spokesman went on to say that MF Global was reviewing their internal procedures in an attempt to prevent “any such rapscallion” from thwarting company controls in the future.
The rogue trader has not been arrested yet and remains the subject of a police search.
In response to speculation he might be harboring a fugitive, Professor Charles Xavier held a press conference and denied that one of the students at his School for Gifted Youngsters was the mutant person authorities were looking to apprehend.
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Not under suspicion. Trades at Goldman Sachs.
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