Scrolling Headlines Don’t Scroll Unless You Do

Scrolling Headlines Don’t Scroll Unless You Do — March 7, 2008

by markjabo on March 7th, 2008

Barbicide Looks To Expand Market With New Line of Disinfectant Wipes
Company that Makes Comb Sanitizer for Barbershops Will Include a Two-year Old ‘Newsweek’ and a Dog-eared copy of ‘Penthouse’ with Every Purchase

Ron Paul Hints He May Drop Presidential Bid
Candidate to Hold Press Conference in Airplane Bathroom

- Ron Paul speaks to supporters

Microsoft Offers Business News Upgrade to MS Word
Control/Dollar Sign Keystroke Combo Will Automatically Paste ‘Dollar Fell to New Lows Today’ In Document, ‘Lou Dobbs is a Xenophobic Douchebag’ Icon Expected Later This Year

Judge Dismisses Challenge To Law Banning Online Gambling
Says She Likes Duke in Courthouse Final Four Pool

Housing Meltdown Won’t Affect Executive Bonuses At Washington Mutual
Compensation To Be Tied to ‘Creative Excuses’ and ‘Coming Up With a Snappy Logo’

Forbes Magazine: Gates No Longer ‘World’s Richest’
Average Joe: ‘Well, boo f**’kin hoo’

- Can still afford to eat out a couple nights a week

White House Disappointed In Payroll Jobs Decline
‘Especially Since All of Us Are Going Need Jobs After November,’ Adds Staffer

Democrats Use Jobs Number To Criticize Bush, Republican Policies
Claim GOP Hasn’t Done Enough to Cripple Economy; Vow to Raise Taxes, Enact Universal Health Care To Crush Economy Further

European Union Fines Microsoft $1.3 Billion
Company Claims E-Mail Notification Must Have Been Caught in Spam Filter

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