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Scrolling Headlines That Don’t Scroll Unless You Do — June 6, 2008

by markjabo on June 6th, 2008

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Study Shows Alcohol Cuts Risk Of Developing Rheumatoid Arthritis
Risk Declines As Participants In Study Found More Likely To Die By Driving Into A Tree On Way Home From Study

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Hillary Denies Seeking Vice President Slot
Ended Power Play When She Discovered V.P. Office Doesn’t Come With Scepter; Discovered She Would Not Be Allowed to Wear Crown At Official Functions

Needs to learn to cup her hand more if she wants to be Queen

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Bob Dylan Praises Barack Obama In Interview
Either That Or Legendary Singer Said ‘He’d Like to Rock Your Mama’; Experts Use Advanced Technology to Try to Understand Generational Icon’s Garbled Pronouncement

“You vote your way, and I’ll vote miiine…”

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Telecommuting Gains Popularity As Gas Prices Soar
Employers Offer Workers Option to Download Porn At Home Three Days A Week

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Kentucky Derby Winner Big Brown Tries For Triple Crown This Weekend
Jockey Will Go For Threesome With Hooters Girls; Chain’s Sponsorship Has Some Racing Fans Concerned Jockey May Grab Wrong Riding Crop Down Home Stretch

Reader’s Choice Captions: (Vote for your favorite in Comments!)

a) Race will mark first time in history jockey is put out to stud after winning race

b) Preakness winner Big Brown won’t be only one ‘chomping at the bit’

c) Belmont’s Best Bet: Hooters Girls to Show

d) “And it’s Big Brown by a … er, um … nose!“

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